Single in SF

• Arya: What's his name again?
• Taylor: It's Robin.
• Arya: Really?
• Taylor: I know, weird.
• Arya: Weird that his name is Robin? Or weird that you want to be his Batman?

Taylor here…still trudging along the online dating scene…

Sorry, I’ve been MIA for a few weeks and that’s because PROJECT HEM ended. What did I learn from that whole exhausting (excruciating) experience? That I REALLY hate online dating. For the most part, it seems I’m always meeting socially awkward people. 

So, I’ve decided to try something else…online dating, OFFLINE. How does that work, you may inquire. Well, the concept is simple. You don’t waste time chatting it up online or filling out your life story. It’s quick, efficient, and relatively painless - that is if you don’t count being inundated with emails from the 60-year-old dirty stalkers out there. But hell, those creeps exist everywhere. 

The best part: you come up with the date idea and see who takes interest. It’s a chance to be adventurous and try something new with someone new. Or, for me, it’s a chance to see who likes to do the same things I like to do, explore the places I like to see, and drink at the same bars I like to frequent. But be careful, being too specific can backfire. A date I suggested was a particular bar and a particular type of drink. Although purely coincidence, as I walked into this bar one night to meet up with a date, the bartender exclaimed, “welcome back! good to see you!”

Impress a date: FAIL. 

Exhibit 353: Scott, 27, web-developer by day, DJ by night and lunatic all-around. A young alpha male on steroids who shall grow up to be a wife-beating, jail cell-walking POS. Oops, did I really just say that?

I get a pretty normal, easy going - somewhat charismatic email from Scott. His profile picture is cute and playful. This guy must be funny. We naturally progress to exchanging numbers and then I get a text message. Of course, real men don’t text the first time. Only infantile “wastes-of-my-time” text the first time.

Ok, that last thought was a bit harsh, but only because I’m so baffled by the scum I’ve recently come across in this city. I had to put it out there ladies - to warn you. Not all guys who text the first time are bad. But the majority of the time - it’s a waste. Moving on to the story…

I get a text from someone who I’ve never spoken to in person. Meet me at 11am on Hayes and Gough on Saturday. We’ll have coffee. I jokingly replied, Is this message going to self-destruct? Yes, becareful. And that was it. About two days later, since I didn’t hear anything, I inquired if we were still meeting. Yes, see you Saturday. Weirdo.

We meet each other on the corner and step into The Grove to order some coffee. He gets in line first and orders for himself. What happened to ladies first? Were you raised by a pack of wolves? Someone should teach you manners, bonehead. He pays for my cup of tea and we walk back to where we met. Let’s walk over to this park down the street. We find a cute little park to sit and chat. Small talk and the usual awkward intro surveying questions.

After I answered one of his questions, he stood up, and said Let’s walk down to City Hall. Have you ever been inside? Ok, this is starting to feel too much like a cookie-cutter date tour. As we’re walking I notice he’s walking IN FRONT of me instead of next to me. Again, no manners.

In less than 5 minutes of walking, he says, I’ll walk you to your car. I have some things to do. THANK GOD. He walks me to my car and as I hug him he grabs me by the shoulders and I think he’s about to do a head bump with me. Yuck, the kiss was not attractive. I pulled away and gave him a sour beer face. Before I got in my car and drove away as fast as I could, this idiot had the nerve to say, Next time, confirm a bit earlier, OK? Next time? Who the hell are you kidding?

Three days later, I get a text message.

Hi Taylor. Pick me up tomorrow at 9PM. We’ll go see a movie at the AMC.

Next.